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The year now is 2015 and it's been twenty years and two months since I had my mental breakdown and began seeing my alters in my head. My son is now twenty five and has not suffered from his mom being out of control for so long. In fact after he was told about my condition (as much as you can tell a five year old anyway) he began to make jokes about our "Nyetta" who was the violent, angry, mean alter.
His outlook on the whole situation was absolutely remarkable. I was so afraid that he would be scared for life by our alters switching in and out as much as we did but the more therapy we got, the better we could control that.
Before therapy began, my son learned that if he asked enough times and in different ways for something, that eventually he would get the right alter to come out and agree to get him what ever he wanted or do what ever he wanted to do. I remember one day after a couple of years in therapy, my son and I were riding down the road and he wanted something (I can't remember what it was) but he was adamant about getting it and kept asking in different ways. Finally he crossed his arms and stuck out his bottom lip and said that he didn't like me seeing Dr. Riser (because we could finally begin to control the switching).
It has only been five years now since I stopped seeing my therapist but I still see my psychiatrist for refills. I'm still on the same anti-depressants that finally began to work on me. It took about a year to get just the right prescriptions at the right doses and I've been on them ever since.
I did try to get off of them last year but the depression came back and was so much worst than even before (or at least it felt that way) so I got back on all of the drugs and anti-anxiety pills, so I will be on them forever now. Such a small price to pay for pure happiness and calmness.
I never dreamed that "I" could be a happy person! I used to watch my family and friends laughing and going places and having fun but I couldn't understand why or how they could be so happy. I always thought that I was doomed to a life of torment and just accepted the fact that I was the freak that my friends always thought that I was. But now twenty years after therapy began I'm always amazed at how happy life can be. Just to read it, does not really give it the power that I feel, the amazement that I am not the depressed, anxious and unhappy person that I used to be still seems so unreal to me.
I still have very little memories of childhood and I also have problems with short term memory (that started to occur when I had my mental breakdown). I know that I had more memories before the break down, I just can not get those memories back and well I'm satisfied with the memories that I do have to date.
Don't get me wrong, therapy was a hard, grueling, emotional process and I lost many nights of sleep while "working" on my journal but because I kept the journal and read them after something had been written down by an alter personality, the walls that separated myself from my alters slowly broke down until I/we were and are now whole.
I still don't understand the process of how and when we created them but I know why we did now. I remember when I had my hysterectomy in 1986 (before the breakdown and before I knew anything really serious was wrong with me) a new alter was created the night of the surgery. The original Candy thought that "not only would she still have the pains that she had before surgery but now she would have the pains from both, those pains in my stomach and the surgery for life". She just couldn't handle it anymore.